i have been asked a simple question.

i have now been asked a few times so far in this pregnancy if i was scared. i assumed they meant to have another child with Down syndrome. i wanted to share my response with everyone just in case some of you were wondering but afraid to ask. my response was and is:

no. i am not scared.

two nights before i had my first ultrasound with this baby i had a dream, i dreamt that i was having twins. i was holding these two beautiful babies one in each arm and notice one of them was born with Ds and the other one was not. i can't express the happiness that filled me in my dream. i said to myself this is wonderful! i now have two typical children and two children born with Down syndrome:) now this may sound odd to those of you without a child with some sort of gift like Down syndrome but i'm hoping a few of you out there understand where i'm coming from. it was nice because i felt max would have another sibling who would have just a bit more in common (not that i feel lilly or this other soon to be family member isn't going to be close with max but to have someone else in the family with Ds... wow, that would be wonderful!). anyways when i went to my ultrasound and found out there is just one baby in there, i said to my husband i was a little sad that my dream wasn't true:( not that i am not super excited and thrilled to have this one baby in there because i am:)

i shared with these people that if i could take the "Down syndrome" out of max, I WOULD NOT! that is part of what makes max who he is and i love it:) now, i can see if max had major health issues and if Ds was a part of that, maybe that would change my opinion. but he IS a healthy, happy, beautiful little boy. just like lilly, max is going to and already in my book has made such a positive impact on the world, my world.

when max was first born, i can say that i had feelings and long discussions with nick on having another child. about the many reason i felt that lilly would need that other sibling to be there to help her with future issues and just to have another person in the family to talk to. now since max's little personality is shining through and to see lilly and her little brother interacting together just like any other sibling, not to mention all of the wonderful families that have come into our life, lilly's life since having max, i no longer feel that way.

before nick and i started trying to have another baby i told nick i no longer felt that way, and that i wanted to have this third baby here in our life because i think our family has so much to offer another life. there is so much love in this family, i want another child to grow up with this love, acceptance, and appreciation for life.

and yes by max being born with Down syndrome i am more likely then the average person to have another child with Ds even though in max's case it was an act of God... not genetic. so i guess whatever God has in store again i will be more than happy to take. again no, i am not scared i am excited to see what i am a part of creating:) Down syndrome or not:)